Breaking the stigma of hidden grief

As difficult as grief always is, there are some losses that can be just as challenging. Especially when the loss is one which is only seen by us, but unknown to those around us. 

In such cases, there are no rites or rituals performed. There are no traditions or hallmark cards to mark these losses, and so we walk through our grief in a more isolated way. Sometimes, these losses can be far more challenging to process.

Covert losses

Sometimes our hidden losses can be experiences, which we simply choose not to share with the world.

An early miscarriage before anyone even knew we were pregnant. The loss of a job, where we worked so tirelessly. The ending of a romance that was still in early enough stages, that we had not yet shared publicly. A failure to meet a private goal that no one else knew we were trying for. The disappointment of discovering that someone close to us, was not who we thought they were. 

The loss of a deeply meaningful friendship or marriage. The decline of our own or a loved one’s mental, emotional, or physical health. The loss of a sense of personal safety that comes from experiencing a crime, accident, or other personal trauma. Mortal injury, from the loss of reputation that comes from a public mistake. 

Let’s face it, we have a hard enough time as a culture honouring the grief that stems from death of a loved one, even though we do at least acknowledge that one publicly through the rituals of funerals and memorial services. It’s not surprising that we are even less capable of dealing with other losses or knowing how to deal with them.

An advocate for bereavement therapy, I strongly believe that we need to examine traditional models, encouraged society to heal through their grief, as oppose to suppressing what is happening beneath the surface, which can leave a detrimental affect on our well-being.

If you are in the midst of grieving (including hidden losses), what has been most helpful to you when you have been grieving? What did you require the most during this period?

Enjoyed the read? Feel free to like and share.

Author:

Bal Kamal

MNCS (Accred) MBACP BSc (Hons)