Coping in Covid

Whilst most people are familiar with the grief that occurs after a death, “anticipatory grief” is not often discussed. So what exactly is “anticipatory grief”, and how has this impacted us during the pandemic?

“Anticipatory grief” refers to a feeling of grief occurring before an impending loss. This is often experienced not only by those who are approaching end of life, but is also felt due to non-death-related losses.

The loss of a job, where we worked so tirelessly. The decline of our own, or a loved one’s mental, emotional, or physical health. The ending of a marriage, or a meaningful friendship. A failure to meet a private goal, that no one else knew we were trying for. The loss of personal safety that comes from experiencing a crime or accident. Or the moral injury, that comes from a public mistake.

Sometimes our hidden losses can be experiences, which we simply choose not to share with the world. In this case, there are no rites or rituals performed. There are no traditions or hallmark cards to mark these losses, and so we walk through our grief, in a more isolated way.

When we consider the impact of Covid, we are collectively experiencing an emotional state of anticipatory grief on a global level, where we have acutely been feeling this sense of loss.

We will undoubtedly have experienced periods of disbelief and possible denial in the early days of lock-down, that this situation has come to what it has in such a short span of time.

Feelings of sadness, due to the many changes that have happened in our lives. The sudden loss of security, loss of normality where our institutions and businesses have been forced to close. The restrictions imposed within our relationships of meeting others. These losses are likely to trigger feelings of frustration and hopelessness, where our sense of freedom has been violated.

These emotional states, similar to the grief we feel when we lose a loved one, are certainly not experienced in a orderly manner, or linear. In fact the motions of circumstantial grief can be just as chaotic. There may have been days where we felt slightly better in accepting the situation more than others.

There are also levels of apprehension and anticipation about what lies ahead, which may complicate our feelings further. Unlike bereavement, (the grieve that follows a loss), anticipatory grief lacks a sense of finality. This is the reason why, so many people have found the pandemic to be extremely challenging.

We have a hard enough time as a culture honouring the grief that stems from the death of a loved one, even though we do at least acknowledge that one publicly through the rituals of funerals and memorial services. It’s not surprising that we are even less capable of dealing with other losses, or knowing how to deal with them.

So what measures can we take, to support our emotional and mental well-being in the midst of a global pandemic?

Here are 10 tips to combat the hidden losses of a lock-down

1) Give yourself time to process what you are feeling and monitor any psychological and physical symptoms you may experience. To support you, keep a journal which will help you to express overwhelming emotions and help track causes of stress, whilst recognising repeated triggers/symptoms to reduce their impact on you.

 

2) Taking time out to practice self-care, during the pandemic is imperative. Find out which self-care strategies work best for you, learn how to apply these strategies, and implement them into your regular routine.

 

3) Consider taking a break, or limiting how you use social media. Especially if current affairs and news updates provoke feelings of anxiety. This may include un-following, or switching off notifications on  device(s).

 

4) Avoid isolation and connect with trusted family/friends (albeit, virtually for now). Communication is vital as others are not aware of what is happening internally for you. Expressing what support is required from them, is essential for self-care.

 

5) Include some physical activity throughout the day. Whether this is a walk/exercising or a yoga practice. Engaging in exercising produces endorphins, the body's feel-good chemicals, which have a positive impact on your mood, cognitive functioning, energy levels, and overall sense of well-being.

 

6) If there is anything that we have learnt during this pandemic, it is that specific facts are unchangeable. Focus on aspects which you can control, such as following expect advice and protecting yourself, your family and local community.

 

7) There are many peer and support groups available on-line, both locally and nationally. Connect with others virtually, if this supports your well-being and enhances your personal growth.

 

8) Within the last decade, there is greater societal awareness of ‘mindfulness’ and “meditation” practice, which presents an opportunity to detach observations from our environment, and instead draws attention to the present. Neuroscience research confirms, a mindfulness practice increases the connection between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex part of the brain. Both of which, support us to be less reactive to stresses.

9) Although “highs” and “lows” are inevitably in life, when we adopt a kinder mindset toward ourselves and practice self-compassion, we discover our worth is not contingent on our successes and achievements. Instead, we accept our personal history which is unchangeable. Self-compassion allows us to acknowledge and accept responsibility, and acts as a catalyst towards our growth. There has never been a better time to practice this, then in the midst of a global pandemic.

10) Discover a sense of “meaning” during this period. What lifestyle changes could you make to enhance your personal growth? This may be an opportunity to explore a past interest, or learn a new hobby.

It is important to note that anticipatory grief is a normal process in the continuum of grief. However, in some cases this grief can be intensive, that it interferes with your ability to cope. If you are finding yourself struggling, this may be an indication to seek professional advice from  your GP, or a therapist who specialises in this field.

 

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Author:

Baljit Kamal

MNCS (Accred) MBACP BSc (Hons)